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User blog:Lolwutburger/Cartoon Network has turned into a perfect, unwavering allegory for Dr. Seuss's The Lorax.
Read every single bit of this and you'll discover striking similarities between the book and network: There was once a lush forest of Truffula trees (Cartoon Network), adored by all the animals (old cartoons enjoyed by viewers, plus some creative minds), none more fond of it than the Lorax (Betty Cohen). However, a mysterious green (as in greedy) stranger named the Once-ler (Stuart Snyder) arrived one day, looking to take in the sights (enjoy the network's notoriety for himself): There are Bar-ba-Loots (resembling bears) that frolic about and eat fruit from the trees (anime-hungry viewers- the fruit is Toonami), Swomee Swans that fly through the air and sing as they go (the voices of creative staff at Cartoon Network), and Humming Fish that go swimming about in the ponds and humming as they swim (the animators themselves). However, the Once-ler only took interest to the Truffula trees (ignored everything about the network except its potential to make him powerful and esteemed). He immediately grew enamored by the forest and its Truffula trees, and decided to take a sample of the trees (examined how well it fared with kids) and learned he could use it to knit "Thneed", an odd-looking but versatile garment that he insists "everyone needs." (live action). He cut down a single tree to accomplish this task (created Out of Jimmy's Head and crippled a very tiny fraction of the channel), then set up shop (joined up with CN as president, after Samples had left). From the stump of this fallen tree, the Lorax appeared and tried to protect these trees (Cohen), saying they could not speak for themselves (good ideas for genuine toons are voiceless thoughts until spoken by the creative staff): :I speak for the trees! Let 'em grow, let 'em grow! But nobody listens too much, don't you know? I speak for the trees, and I'll yell and I'll shout For the fine things on Earth that are on their way out! They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, But sometimes I think progress is progressing too fast! They say I'm a fool to oppose things like these, But I'm going to continue to speak for the trees! The Once-ler ignored the warnings of the Lorax, and began chopping the trees down to power factories to make his "Thneed" (kept working toward live-action garbage and imported YTV 'toons). The Once-ler's small shop soon grew into a factory (for live-action) with new workers (numbskulls who weren't the least bit interested in the network, but the money), family members (friends he made over the years, some also too foolish to care for CN) and new equipment (imported toons from elsewhere that would "enrich the channel") to speed up Thneed production (boost ratings) This selfishness by the uncaring Once-ler and factory workers (all the current, uneducated idiots at CN, drafted in with absolutely no knowledge of its past, who lack the heart of the original Cartoon Network), continuted cutting down trees to keep up with the demand for more Thneeds (ratings demands grew and grew, causing new crappy programs to appear). At first, the damage was minor (subtle changes to the network lineup), but it grew worse over the years, destroying the splendor of the forest and shrinking it more and more (Loss of Toonami, Sym-Bionic Titan, and any other good show cancelled mid-production). With the trees fading away, the animals began to leave: the Bar-ba-Loots, who are now facing a terrible food shortage (anime-starved viewers after Toonami folded) and a disease called "the Crummies because of gas and no food in their tummies." (sickened by this new CN). At first, the Once-ler only showed a little remorse, but still focused on expanding his business. The Lorax had to guide them elsewhere to find food (other networks). The Once-ler's Thneed-making business expanded tenfold and now used delivery trucks to take out the shipments (imported toons upon request). The Lorax eventually comes back complaining to the Once-ler that the factories are belching out so much "smogulous smoke" that it is giving the Swomee Swans sore throats, leaving them unable to sing. (The creative minds from the nineties and anyone new who has been censored, unable to voice themselves through the poison of live-action, and any open slot for new ideas is quickly accounted for by imported toons, leeching off others instead of listening to the staff to make things go more smoothy at the expense of the channel's reputation). Once again, the Lorax must intervene and take them elsewhere (direct them to new possibilities). Not a moment after the Lorax sends them away, he returns complain to the Once-ler about his machinery making a goo by-product called "Gluppity Glup" and "Shloppity Shlop," and how it's being dumped into the ponds where the Humming Fish live (this live-action, import programming methodicism is drowning the animators), leaving them unable to hum (voice their ideas as well), and forces the Lorax to send them away too (Ex:Lauren Faust, her husband Craig McCracken, and Genndy Tartakovsky. Faust left when Snyder claimed her ideas were nonsense compared to his, and nobody wanted to watch them. Mc Cracken followed suit to support his wife. Tartakovsky left after Sym-Bionic Titan got the boot for lack of a toy deal, which Snyder considered essential, similar to the Once-ler's obsession for Thneed). OMINOUS PREDICTION: Finally, it was too late- all the trees were cut down. Without them, the animals had all disappeared (no more viewers, no creative staff, and no animators- absolutely no one wants anything to do with him anymore). The factories and business ventures were forced to shut down with no more trees left to make Thneed (total disappearance of the old Cartoon Network in every possible way), and the workers all quit (either the network will run out of imports, the ratings will tank too far, or someone will accuse Snyder of criminal activity behind closed doors, presumably censorship). The very last Trufulla tree fell (whoever goes away last: the final viewer, or final staff member), and the forest was no more (Death of CN). The Once-ler's family departed (friends departed one by one, leaving Snyder all alone), leaving the Once-ler alone with the Lorax, who, looking back at the Once-ler, sadly, picks himself up by the "seat of his pants" and floats away through a hole in the smog, leaving behind only a small pile of rocks with the word "UNLESS" inscribed into them. (Cohen gives up on CN, then leaves her ruined dreams behind in hopes she can build better ones. The rocks represent the possibility someone else will discover what once was, and somehow re-create the network anew). Left grasping a pile of crumbling factories (every single live-action program he made gets cancelled with extreme prejudice), the Once-ler (Snyder) lived his life in secluded shame. He tried to comprehend the meaning of this final message, but to no avail. After many years went by, he finally learned his lesson, though he knew he would never be able to fix the damage he had caused, as he had grown old, weak, and a pariah to the world around him (all who left CN as it fell apart). Suddenly, a boy discovered him wallowed in his broken home (a nameless, aspiring young animator or TV network mogul), and the Once-ler bestowed him with the last seed to grow new trees (Snyder will keep a piece of the old CN to remind him of what could've been when he accepts his failure). Good Ending: The seed will be planted, and the Once-ler will die quietly at the sight of one final tree, putting him at peace. Bad Ending: The tree does not grow, or something happens to kill it, in which case: GAME OVER. ...Scary as hell how relevant the story becomes, isn't it? Supporting this is the rush of animated/live action "Flicks" and the rush of "Cartoon Network Originals". Snyder is trying to bring life back to the network and in turn bring viewership back on his own. Category:Blog posts